The Oracle Prophesies

She gave me a couple of ties and said “Best of luck for your placement..you’re gonna do great..” As a grungy college kid wearing baggie low waist jeans and short tee and holding a pair of rather exquisite looking neck ties something didn’t feel fit well into the picture..But her confident eyes were saying a today different story..

A few months later I could see the prophesy taking shape..I was offered the pills..the question was, was I ready to take the right one and wake up to reality or should I just close my eyes to the inevitable and live in the confines of my oh-so-perfect college life..I dared..I plunged head first into nothingness..I took the job..I entered the Matrix..

A whole year later I realize it s not what its advertised to be..It indeed is a Matrix..a Matrix you can’t get out of..And if you look closely its all Zeros and Ones..You just have to realize that you are the One..Its rigid..But you learn to bend it..Break the laws of physics and fly through the air..Its all in your head..How you want to look at it is all upto you..That’s how all software jobs are..

Thankfully..My Oracle had already spoken..My fate was already written and the proof still hangs around my neck every time there’s a big presentation and you have to look extra formal..

On-Time Arrival, On-Time Departure

Who doesn’t like a bit of pampering..a bit of ushering through the crowded room..a bit of skipping the long long queue..a bit of VIP treatment..and it feels much better when ur not entitled to it..!!

I’ve learnt a few tricks of the trade..well let’s just call it an upshot of my brain’s propensity to constantly endeavor in excelling in its ad infinitum quest for fretting out the path of least persistence..! (read..i’m too lazy to do anything :P)

I really hate waiting in a queue..especially at the airport when you know you are always waiting in a queue to get to the other queue..first there is the check in..then the security check..then the taxiing to the plane and then another one to get on the plane..and that’s just one way..!! You have to do all of this all over again in the reverse order when you land..

Every time I was made to join the queue I always cribbed and whined and grumbled and wondered if there was really an easier way out..and after much planning and meticulous calculations I chalked out my evil plans..If nobody goofs up you can get your boarding pass, check in you luggage, get security clearance and get to the bus in 15-20mins flat..So why waste hours waiting in the queues.??

Now I always make sure I reach the airport right ‘On-Time’ and wait for my escort from the airline scanning through the crowd hastily.. “Any passengers for Delhi-Bangalore flight…”

Bangalore-Goa-Bangalore

Like they say...“Its not the destination...Its the journey...”And that’s what we realized when we took the Goa trip...I had been there before but never did I have such an experience...!!And all thanks to our driver...They don’t make people like him you know...

Last year of college we decided to celebrate our first offer letters by freaking out in Goa...We were 10 guys so we hired a tempo traveler full with a DVD player and all (That was our travel agent’s TSP...This traveler has a DVD player saar...!!) But as soon as we realized we had a real character for a driver we’d soon forgotten to blame each other for forgetting to get DVD’s for the well publicized TV in the vehicle...!!

We left Bangalore right after dinner and pretty soon dozed off...They musta stopped for tea in the middle of the night but I wouldn’t even realize if my friends had tied me on the roof in my sleep...So all I know was that we reached Jog falls by early next morning...We a few hours there doing our morning business and exploring the falls a bit (not both of them together mind you…) while our driver spent most of his time religiously washing the vehicle…stopping for breakfast and continuing to wash again... “New gaadi maybe”, we thought...But soon we realized his obsession for clean vehicles when we stopped at every water body just to watch him wash the whole damn thing again and again...He could’ve drained the whole of Cauvery dry just to keep his vehicle spick and span...

The icing on the cake was on our way back...We were fast asleep from the tiring journey... (Not to mention of all the Port Wine too...We’d been to Goa incase you’d forgotten...) I’d somehow managed to find a comfortable position on the seat resting my head on the window...Guess it was first light when I heard a huge SPLASH on the side of my window...Everyone woke up all startled... What the hell happened...?? Turns out it was cleaning session again...We’d stopped next to a brooke in the middle of nowhere...The sun wasn’t even to be seen...We waited in the cab afraid he’d splash us too if we tried to get out…So all we could do was watch him carry a tiny bucket, which would hold no more than 5 mugs of water, up and down the stream and splashing the same side of the vehicle...My side...Again and again and again...Splash after splash...We thought he would scrub the paint off as well…

At this time one of my friends pointed out how similar this was to a scene right out of a psycho thriller where the killer keeps washing his car cause he still imagines the blood of his victims in the trunk of this car..!!

As much as I like such movies I certainly don’t want to be in one…That small joke was enough for me…All the memories of my ‘favorite’ scenes kept coming back…

Come to think of it the best he could do was wash us to death but still who said I can’t get paranoid…?For the rest of the drive back I did not speak to anyone…I concentrated on conserving my energy incase I had to jump off of the window and run…

I took a sigh of relief when we finally reached back…Now I think twice before agreeing to take a trip in a hired cab…You never know what stories had that cab been a part of...

Dangers of flying..!!

Nope..not talking about a sudden drop in air pressure of the cabin and plummeting frenziedly towards the earth..!! That would’ve been so cool..!!! Almost like being in an action movie..!! Of course I’d be the Guy-in-Seat-15F in the credits but who cares.. I’d be in an action movie baby..!!

I’m talking about the dangers of flying with your fellow passengers when you are flying alone. Unfortunately you get the most ‘interesting people’ flying whenever you feel like taking a trip.. “Why God..Why..??” I usually wait till we’re at ‘cruising altitude’ to ask Him that.. I figure that way my prayers have to travel the least..

One time I was ‘lucky’ enough to get the last row seat..Those things don’t push back you see..for the convenience of people who manage to drink too much water in a span of 2 hrs and can’t hold it in for nuts..!! Sometimes I think it’s just the thrill of peeing at 30,000 ft that makes people go so many times..

I’m telling you..If you ever get the last row..You better buckle up for a rough time ahead..Plus if you have a Sardar on the seat infronta yours you better cancel your trip altogether.. The first thing this guy does when he buckles himself onto his seat is drops its back to the max.. I’m anyways pissed with my luck and his guy actually puts his turban right at my face..!! Oh man..he was asking for it.. He even turned down my polite request..

“I can’t sit straight for 2 whole hrs", he said.

“I’ll make sure you can’t, even after that”, I murmered under my breath (I could do only as much, that guy was huge..)

The hostess comes to the Guy and makes him put his seat back up for take off..

“You tell ‘im, girl..!!”, Yea..this time I was audible enough..!! But my heart was racing anticipating a big punch on my face..I started praying even before I got close to Him..

And it worked..!!!!

Some blessed soul had seemed to miss his flight and the hostess offered me the empty one.. Throwing tantrums do have their benefits you know..!!

Oh..and did I mention..the best part of the whole ordeal..Karma..!! The seat I had changed too was incidentally exactly the second row infronta my original one…!!!

I never put my seat back upright the whole trip..!!

IN YOUR FACE..!! Literally..!!