Note to Self..

Practice at least half* of this..

1. Take a deeep breath. (Do it now!)


2. Meditate. (NOT a subpoint of pt 17)


3. Sit up straight. (Tummy in, chest out)


4. Use Phosphotidyl Serine (PS).


5. Use Vinpocetine.


6. Take Gingko Biloba.


7. Try Some Saint John’s Wort.


8. First-class thinking practice.


9. Make use of quiet time.


10. Learn a language. (The ones that even a non programmer can understand.)


11. Inhale Rosemary (et al).


12. Exercising your mind.


13. Write. (Doesn't mean taking down MOM's)


14. Listen to Classical Music.


15. Expand your sixth sense.


16. Avoid food which can cause allergic reactions.


17. Sleep well.


18. Caffeine.


19. Avoid sweets. (Avoid "sugar crash")


20. Audio Hypnosis.


21. Speed-read.


22. Work Out.


23. Make-believe Friends. (?)


24. Increase your Imagination. (Fro-hat (:)


25. Study more competently. (finish that course you started)


26. Use procedures for lucid thoughts. (Systematize; Argue for the heck of it, overdoing this would lead to contradicting 37)


27. Brain wave stimulation.


28. Creatine. (Does not meat 'Eat Nails')


29. Speaking. (But make sure someone is listening)


30. Spend time on things you take pleasure in.


31. Adjust your beliefs. (I can and I will)


32. Intelligence Aerobics. (Calculate the tip in your head..use of fingers not allowed)


33. Keep on learning.


34. Go Walking. (The lease you can do..)


35. Find a role model.


36. Fish is Brain Food. (ok..you can skip this..See for 62 alternatives)


37. Pass up pointless arguments. (Don't overload..)


38. Laugh it up. (Pass funny comments..Don't try too hard though)


39. Go out and play.


40. Solve puzzles.


41. Play Video Games.


42. Sing out loud.


43. Go Nuts. (Not literally..just eat em..)


44. Olive oil.


45. Vitamin supplements.


46. Fiber is your friend.


47. Be Self Aware. (Clumsiness not welcome)


48. Force yourself not to forget. (Your brain is your worst enemy..)


49. Motivate yourself.


50. Avoid too much stress.


51. Become educated.


52. Practice information often and “over-study”.


53. Avoid fatty foods.


54. Eat less. (Combine 53 and 54..)


55. Avoid suspicious foods. (What you can't recognize probably wasn't meant to be eaten)


56. Eat breakfast. (brainfood)


57. Evade diabetes. (Easier said than done? See pt 16)


58. Eat foods with lots of antioxidants.


59. Drink wine. (Yippie.!!)


60. Always drink alcohol responsibly. (Damn it!)


61. Folic acid. (Spinach and all that stuff..)


62. More brain foods. (Avocados, oatmeal, bananas, lean beef, peas, eggs, flaxseed oil,
potatoes, soybeans, brewer’s yeast. broccoli, wheat germ, brown rice, brussel sprouts, cantaloupe, cheese, chicken, collard greens, oranges, peanut butter, romaine lettuce, salmon, spinach, tuna, turkey, and yogurt.)


63. Vitamin E. (Same as 58)


64. Vitamin C.


65. Selenium.


66. Alpha-lipoic acid.


67. Inositol.


68. Huperzine A.


69. Question everything. (Google everything..then 52)


70. Smell basil. (Same as 11)


71. Climate. (Cold..good..Hot..bad)


72. Rainy days amp up brain power. (Read a book watching the rain)


73. Use systems. (Vedic math and all that)


74. Create a brain power diagram. (Read: Make a routine, follow it, then change it)


75. Apply new knowledge to things you already knew. (I knew that already :P)






* Can be varied as per your dilatoriness quotient.


PS: Some terms have not been explained to enforce 33 and 52

Drama!

I read this really lovely article..short one (not to worry)..but deep..I mean it opened my eyes..made me see why people act like the way they do..gave an insight on why crazy people are the happiest in the world..and oh..also why I act crazy too..

If you're thinking I'm just building up for some random ordinary article..well..you might be true but you'll understand why I did so..

Bollywood has had great influence on people since the start of time..People have been watching these amazing and fantastic movies..Now, the problem is, they think life is supposed to be like the movies..Any rational and logical monkey would have figured that out..but not the average Bollywood fan..So let's try a different approach..Let's look at a few examples scientifically and plot them..

Time moves from left to right. Happiness from bottom to top.

First, let's plot everyone's favorite movie..Now that's the easiest to plot..

Consider the life of Simran. The story starts at her London home, her life literally dictated by her conservative irrational Bauji..But things soon change as she gets permission to go to Europe for amonth (or 2?) for 'one final time'..Its there where she first meets Raj..what follows is a series of songs and a paid for Europe trip where the Senorita falls in love with Raj..But soon she realizes Bauji has already fixed her marriage and she has to go back..Life comes crushing down as the says goodbye to Europe and Raj..But life is not as bad..As she

has all the good memories and the experience..But soon enuf..as per the Indian audiences' taste, Raj returns to woo everyone and sweep Simran off her feet..

People LOVE that story! This graph plot has been written a thousand times in a thousand other movies. And because of it, people think their lives are supposed to be like this.

Now let's look at another movie..of 'recent' times..Things suer have changed since Simran and Raj's story to Bhuvan's heroics to save tax and bring cricket to India..(So was he the father of Indian Cricket??)

The story starts in a very ordinary village in colonial India..The villagers being ill-treated by the British officers, the Maharaja humiliated..You the the usual..Life was normal..But as fate would have it..Just when there no rains, on the brink of drought, the Brits impose triple tax!! Thankfully, there's an escape strategy they have left the villagers..Just beat them at their game and that's it..No tax, no nothing..Easy huh? Then comes the part where the village has to get together and set aside their differences and prepare for the game..And what do you know..in a match fit for the World Cup Finals (or a Mafia organized Ind-Pak match) the villagers would beat the crap outta the Brits!!!! And the life is back to normal..But better than last time cause the village stuck together and now have a new hobby!!

People LOVE that story! This graph plot has been written a thousand times in a thousand other movies. And because of it, people think their lives are supposed to be like this.

But the problem is, life is really like this..

MLIA..and so is your's..The same mundane life..normal happenings..Some ups, some downs, yes..but nothing to go around bragging about for years together..Nothing so fantastic or terrible that'll cut it for ever half an hour of a Bollywood movie..Heck there are no soundtracks in our life either..

But because we grew up surrounded by big dramatic graph plots in books and movies, we think our lives are supposed to be filled with huge ups and downs! So people pretend there is drama where there is none.

That's why people invent fights..That's why we're drawn to sports..That's why we act like everything that happens to us is such a big deal..

We're trying to make our life into a Bollywood masala movie..But even if we do..are we playing the lead in our movie or just a supporting actor?

Sites I Swear By..

http://xkcd.com/

Am a big fan of xkcd. Essentially xkcd is a webcomic created by Randall Munroe, a former contractor for NASA. Munroe describes it as "a webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language." And so it is..It takes a basic amount of the so called uncommon common sense to understand a few of the strips..and come to think of it I secretly feel superior to anyone who doesn't understand a particular strip and I do :D

http://mylifeisaverage.com/

Everyone needs a little bit of drama in their life..but life isn’t fair..life is average.. The website was co-founded by UCLA students Guru Khalsa and Enrico Mills. Khalsa says that MLIA seeks to "bring to light how much stupid and boring stuff gets posted on the Internet."

http://www.hongkiat.com/

HongKiat offers tips and resources for designers, developers and bloggers…I just surf it for the photoshop tutorials..

http://www.flickr.com/

Flickr is an image and video hosting website, web services suite, and online community platform. In addition to being a popular website for users to share personal photographs, the service is widely used by bloggers as a photo repository…Macros are awesome..and motion lights..can just sit admiring unrecognized talent endlessly..

http://www.postcrossing.com/

Recently discovered goldmine of wonderful people with one idea..to share their world with you.. Postcrossing is an online project that allows its members to send and receive real postcards from all over the world. The project's tag line is "send a postcard and receive a postcard back from a random person somewhere in the world!” The idea for the project was created by Paulo Magalhães, who started the site on July 14th, 2005. The motivation was based on the fact that he liked to receive mail, especially postcards. “The element of surprise of receiving postcards from different places in the world (many of which you’d probably never have heard of) can turn your mailbox into a box of surprises – and who wouldn’t like that?”

http://www.jango.com

Jango is an advertising-supported Internet radio and social networking service founded by Daniel Kaufman (former executive and co-founder of the now-defunct Direct Revenue). Its main product is a streaming radio service that provides user customized music feeds. I love it cause this is still unblocked in my office :D

http://www.urbandictionary.com/

To catch up with those slangs kids use now a days.. Urban Dictionary is a Web-based dictionary of slang words and phrases. As of 2009, the site contains over four million definitions. Submissions are regulated by volunteer editors and rated by site visitors..The site was founded in 1999 by Aaron Peckham, then a freshman computer science major at California Polytechnic State University.

http://www.theonion.com/

For the latest news that will never be on the news.. The Onion is an American "fake news" organization. It features satirical articles reporting on international, national, and local news as well as an entertainment newspaper and website known as The A.V. Club. It claims a national print circulation of 690,000 and says 61 percent of its web site readers are between 18 and 44 years old

http://www.wikipedia.org/

Of course..that’s how I sound so smart..!

Threading the Needle..

Its been around 9mnths that i brought home the gorgeous silver beast..But unfortunately I have been able to unleash her only at night or early early morning on the highway..Most of the times I'm reduced to threading the needle with her..

6yrs ago when i first came to Bangalore, I was pleasantly surprised on seeing what the pics in all the travel guides promised..Bangalore was really the Garden City of India..The only color prominent in the city (other than black and yellow of the autos) was Green..The weather was truly British..Chill in the morning..Pleasant at noon..Chill in the evening..And i never could tell if it were summer or winter..The roads were broad and clean..Squeaky clean..I loved taking walks on those roads..I even used to catch a BMTC bus to nowhere and back..I loved exploring the city on my own..Life was so laid back here..People were friendly..Buses were empty..Roads werebordered with green strips..And you had long stretches of it to enjoy the view out of the bus window..It was such a pleasant change from the hustle bustle of a spoilt brat city as Delhi..

But then again, that was 6yrs ago..

Now, I'm working..A bike has become a necessity..Auto's are too rude and buses are too pushy..I had always heard of the term 'Population Explosion' but i actually got to experience it first hand living here in Bangalore..Every year more and more people like me have started pouring into the city changing the city's Garden City image to a Silicon Valley one..The s/w industry was at a boom in the '03-'07 period..That meant more coders and decoders..That meant fatter pay cheques..That meant more people flocking in the city with their families..That meant more and more cars and bikes like mine on the street..Even though we pay the highest tax doesn't mean spend at all..While in college, we used to see at least 4 new cars and 5 new bikes getting their Pooja's done everyday in Bull Temple..If the 80's was all about flower power, the new millennium is about buying power..

Today I got a mail in by inbox which read:

___________________________

Subject: Yet another traffic jam on Bannerghatta Road

People are delayed in reaching office because of that – Tom, Dick, Harry…

___________________________

Reading this I couldn't help but thank god for my silver beast and the new tricks that I've learnt on it..I still explore new alternative routes thanks to the never ending jams..I've learnt how to dodge pedestrians while riding on the foot path..I've learnt how to have an interesting SMS chat with friends while waiting for the red lights to count down from 180..Sneak in a call tucking the phone in my helmet while the traffic moves at snails pace..And most importantly..I've learnt how to go in and out of the maze of cars..I have learnt to hone my physics skills by judging the minimum banking angle and speed required to make through a gap created by a 4555 mm Innova stuck in a jam and a 1525mm wide Santro parked half on the road which is barely 6.5m long..

Doing it day in and day out, I've become so good at it, I'm confident that I can easily thread a needle with my bike now..!

Uneven Weekends

I have really strong feelings about weekends..there's not one weekend which has been able to gather a luke warm response from me..either i really really love them..or really really hate them..mostly the uneven ones..

At these times I wonder (read: curse real loud) why weekends have to be of 2 days? Invariably it happens that one of the days all my friends are busy..(I live in a fool's paradise so I'm rejecting the minuscule possibility that all of them might be busy among themselves leaving me out to enjoy the weekend by myself..) And the other day all my social circles collide bringing a virtual armageddon to all my plans..

Saturday I'll be forcefully lazing around in the house wondering why they have reruns of Seinfeld and Friends when 10 out of 9 ppl anyways would have the whole season..and come Sunday I'd feel like a celeb.. everyone would suddenly want to meet up, catch up, hang out..Makes my Sundays worse than the meeting packed Mondays..the saddest part is all 'my' plans go for a toss trying to fit in everyone else's..

I wish life had its own MS Outlook calender..that way I can 'Tentatively' accept every request without having to commit to any ;) 

Wait Wait Wait

Waiting is one thing I can't comprehend with..especially to get out of the office..I feel like I'm back to school waiting for Mohun Bahiya to hammer the huge iron pillar repeatedlybreaking the spell of the teacher making us mortal again..mortal enough to run out and go home..

Its pretty much the same now also..Recession leaves me with not much work and I have to wait around for the clock to tick over so that I can jump on my bike and zoom to my house to catch the latest IPL match or the repeat of some series on Star World..

All waits are anxious but not all are bad..Some i even look forward to..And some i'm just returning the favour from the morning when i make her wait..Those waits are good waits..When I am waiting for her wind up work and catch a quick walk or if I'm lucky enough sometimes early 730ish authentic vegetarian dinners as well..

Today is one such day.. :)

The Other Side of Cricket

I've been surfing nothing but cricket since the past month..and probably would continue to do so till we find out who wins this year's IPL.

It is now that i realised that i had very convinently forgotten the other side of the greatest sportsmen..Here's why..

1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:

When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?" Botham is believed to have replied: "The wife's fine but the kids are retarded." 

2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:

As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted. 

3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes):

"Hey Eddo, why are you so F**ing Fat?" Eddo Brandes: "Because every time I F*** your mother, she throws me a biscuit" 

4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:

During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't f**king bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl." 

5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:

During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman. 

6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:

During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me? In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k  off." 

7. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!" 

8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh.......

MW: "F*ck me, look who it is.  Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England"

JO: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family" 

9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:

"So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?"

Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."

McGrath (losing it): "If you ever F*&king mention my wife again, I'll F*ing rip your F*king throat out." 

10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore - NZ) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia.  You were sh*t then, you're f*cking useless now".

Parore - (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt". 

11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it." 

12. Ravi shastri v/s the aussie 12th man (don't remember who, and don't want to slander anyone) shastri hits it to this guy and  looks for a single...this guy gets the ball in and says "if you leave the crease I'll break your f***ing head"

Shastri: "if you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man" 

13. Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times.  Marshall: "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?" 

14. Fred Trueman bowling: The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he replied.

Calvin Rides the Roller Coaster

“Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.” -The Great Philosopher of Modern Times, Calvin.

I'm always reminded of this whenever my life does a roller coaster on me..the problem is, there always seems to be a long long queue whenever you want to get on that ride, and the longer the queue is the more you assure yourself that its gonna be worth the wait..you always picture yourself riding that roller coaster..you see the brighter side of it.. imagine yourself at the highest point of the ride..and paint a pretty picture of you looking down from way up there (well..coz of the one reason that there's nothing to look upto at that point anyways).. and then imagine that moment to last a lifetime..

What you forget, is to calculate how much time it will take to get there..I tried to come up with a complex mathematical formula to account for all the variables..the distance from the point where you start thinking of calculating to the point you actually get on the car for the ride..all the people you will meet to get there..the amount of time you will take to politely remind them they are just talking about kings and cabbages too much to realize you are trying to figure out what meal they ate from the bit of food that is stuck in between their teeth..and when you finally get onto the car comes the wait for the almighty in the yellow hard hat to push the red button for the ride to finally get under way..then comes the hard part of the formula..the wait for the car to climb upto the highest point of the ride..now that I roughly estimated would be the product between the coefficient of your patience and the height of the point..almost always tends to the metaphorical eternity..

But then having waited for that eternity..and living the (literal) moment..you can't help but finally realize that you're falling..all the way..and fast..and at that moment..when you turn to your side and realize that you have your best friend next to you..to hold your hand..to cling on to you..and make you believe that if what goes up goes down also infers what goes down will eventually comes up too..the very friend who was there throughout the wait and to at that moment as well..you know that there's one factor that you forgot to add in the meticulously calculated formula..YOUR HOBBES..

I'm glad that I did add that factor in the end..because now.. the results for the formula have totally changed..the wait is for a momenzt and the pinnacle moment lasts an eternity..